good bye numb – hello sad

there’s lots of talking
going on around me

family
friends
loved ones
from far and wide

there’s peace to be found
in kindness

every time
I think I’m done crying
someone opens the gates wide
with their love and kindness
and I start again

it’s good though
I promise.

there’s been questions asked:

did my ex friend
really mean to hurt me?

I doubt it
someone said to me today
likely in her mind
she thought she was
rescuing me
from me

a friend said: “she really did likely
see herself
as the hero…”

sadly…not so much

does my past
make me feel guilty?
often
but I also
with great honesty
acknowledge
that it’s my past
that brought me here
today
good, bad or indifferent….

the greatest result for me
in the past 48 hours
is that after 35 years
of saying virtually nothing
to those that matter
on the subject of my daughter

I can now shout
from the rooftops
that I loved her always
and that I’ll miss her forever
(I already have)
even though I always knew
she wasn’t really mine

here’s some things
I know for sure:

the people that truly love me
are gonna love me no matter what
we all just need to say it out loud
and mean it in our hearts more

I can’t change people
and they can’t change me

the only way to really understand
all the facets and types of love in the world
is to communicate
repeatedly and doggedly

that there’s a peace to be found
in the kindness of strangers

and there’s a peace to be found
in the forest with your thoughts
if you just slow down enough
to listen

and there’s a hell of a lot of love
contained in a 3.5lb dog.