WyzWmn's World©

the sound: Chilliwack – I Believe, Chilliwack – Whatcha Gonna Do?, Chilliwack – My Girl, Chilliwack – There’s Something I like About That, Chilliwack – Crazy Talk, Chlliwack – Fly at Night

Tea poured, sandwiches on plates, the only sounds to be heard were those of people gently stirring lemon and sugar into their tea cups.

I surreptitiously searched the table for cream and finally gave up without the nerve to ask, stirring lemon and sugar into my tea as well.

I shook my head slightly amused by the fact that I’ve always been a weak tea drinker, “first pour” my father’d say. This stuff looked like 40 weight oil and could likely have stood one of those silver teaspoons up in it and here’s me with no cream.

Mrs. Kirkpatrick cleared her throat. “Well then Miss Karen…maybe you’ll be about explaining to me where my Buadhach is, and what exactly Roibhilín has done to afford himself such pretty new bracelets?”

I’m caught again…deer in the headlights, tea cup half way to my mouth, lips pursed to slurp “Fuck!” I think as Robert starts “now…..now Mama…”

“Silence!” she barks. “I’m after asking this young woman!” as one, everyone at the table turns to look at me and I can’t help but think again “plant a potato, get a potato”…. they all 3 of them carry their mother’s visage.

I blink once or twice and put my cup down, thankfully in the saucer.

I clear my throat as I look to the eyes of the 3 people I’ve spent the last few days with. “Well uhmmm, you see Mrs. Kirkpatrick…it’s like this” I begin and fade off.

“Yes child?” she prods.

“Well there was this accident see, and Barry he kinda got hurt but it’s okcosRosiealmosthadhimfixedandGreyandRobert
tookhimtothehospitalandtheyoperatedbuthe’soknow!….”
I pause for a breath and realize that Rosie, Grey and Robert look stricken.

“An accident?” she says stressing the word and then nods briskly. “and the bracelets?” she asks.

Now I’m scared and going for broke…I don’t have a flaming idea which direction to go in but think the truth is too over the top even for me…and I saw it with my own eyes so….

“uhmmm…it er that…uhhhh it was kinda funny sorta” I begin hesitantly and look up in time to see Robert give the slightest shake of his head.

“yes?” she asks again

“well I wanted to see how they worked and then I lost the key and then we had no choice but to cut them apart!” I race in one breath. “really it’s all very silly” I finish.

Robert, Rosie and Grey sigh in unison.

“Well,” she says and then stops to sip her tea. “a fine story that is. Now….who’s going to be after telling me the truth?

Do.Not.Make.Me.Ask.This.Question.Again!” she forces out with such quiet vehemence that I’m sure the finish is blistering off of the table and possibly even the chair I am sitting on.

The four of us sit with our heads hung.

I can’t imagine what exactly can get any worse when I hear the screen door at the front of the house slam. All four of us jump at the noise, Mrs. Kirkpatrick sits unsurprised.

In unison we turn to face the kitchen to hallway door as into the kitchen steps a police officer, tall, muscular, red headed and unmistakably another of the Kirkpatrick brood.

“Ah, Constable” Mrs. Kirkpatrick announces with a smile on her face, “will you be joining us for our tea?”

“No Mama, I won’t” the policeman says and my jaw literally hits the table.

the sound: Tom Waits – For No One, Tom Waits – Chocolate Jesus, Tom Waits – Hold On, Tom Waits – Take me Home, Tom Waits – Elephant Beer Blues, Tom Waits – The Piano Has Been Drinking, Tom Waits – Tom Traubert’s Blues

Mrs. Kirkpatrick introduced herself to me as we followed her 3 huge children out the door of the den, through the vestibule and down the hallway to the kitchen.

She asked how I knew her children and I told her that I’d met them through a friend and that they’d been kind enough to “put me up” while I was here.

She seemed pleased at the implication that they had manners.

As we stepped into the warm sunny kitchen I was totally shocked to see Rosie tying on a big, gingham, ruffled and bibbed apron as she walked towards the pantry.

Then I turned my head to the left in time to see Robert and Grey dutifully setting the huge table with a lovely matched set of china teacups and cake plates not to mention sterling silver cutlery complete with real teaspoons.

It was all I could do to keep from barking out a laugh as I watched Robert’s great big hands manipulating a pair of sugar tines while he quietly and patiently piled sugar cubes into a lovely white pyramid.

The table at the right end of the kitchen was polished cherry wood and likely large enough to seat 15, 20 if you all got up close and personal like. There were 2 huge ladder back chairs with armrests looking suspiciously like thrones at each end and high back wooden chairs along each side of the table.

The King seat sat facing the French doors to the side veranda and overlooking the water with its back to the kitchen. It was empty of place setting while the Queen seat, facing the kitchen with its back to the doors was set with a lovely crocheted doily placemat topped with a thick paisley trivet. On the trivet was the cup and saucer, the tea service on a tray in front of the Queen seat.

Along both sides of the table in the chairs closest to the Queen seat where seats for the four of us. Each with its own matching doily placemat in sunshine yellow topped with a paisley trivet.

As we got to the table I began to wonder at the possible cost of the furniture itself, forget about the tea service and the crystal decanters of amber fluid that sat on the sideboard across from the table.

“I’d pay a dollar for about a gallon of that amber liquid just now” I snorted to myself.

The massive shelves of the sideboard held about 30 of those Royal Dalton figurines my mother was so fond of.

“I am so, so outta my league” I thought just as Grey showed up at my elbow with a china platter of teeny tiny sandwiches…no crust…looked like cucumber or water cress.

“ok, that cut’s it….I’m fucked” I thought and turned towards Rosie in time to see her pouring hot water out of the largest china tea pot I’ve ever seen.

She had her tongue stuck out the corner of her mouth and I had time to think that she looked just like she did with the first aid kit in her hand while running to rescue one of her idiot brothers when they’d shot someone, then she looked up and our eyes met. She started as if she was surprised to see me and then blushed.

I watched in wonder as the red flushed slowly up Rosie’s neck to her face and then she bobbed her head down to pour water over the tea leaves she’d dropped in the pot.

“Siobhan?” Mrs. Kirkpatrick queried…”are we nigh ready dear?”

“yes ma’am” Rosie replied as she hurriedly pulled the cozy over the tea pot and rushed towards the table.

Robert places a tray of ‘petite fours’ on the table and hastened to help his mother be seated. Mrs. Kirkpatrick sat in the Queen seat with Robert and myself on one side and Grey and Rosie on the other facing us.

I watched with some amusement as all four of them in virtual unison pulled their clean crisp white Irish linen napkins out from under their butter knives and gently opened them to place them on their laps. I hastened to follow suit.

Then 3 adult Kirkpatrick children sat quietly, heads bowed, hands in their laps while their mother looked at me inquiringly until by some grace a light went on in my head and I too bowed my head.

“Roibhilín, the grace?” Mrs. K asked and in reply, wonders of wonders, surprise, surprise….that big tough, gun toting, Jack Daniels swilling, goat butchering, cussing and shooting bad ass biker Robert quietly blessed our food.

You could have knocked me over with a feather!