an exerpt from:

The Velveteen Rabbit or How Toys Become Real by Margery Williams

(my cousin Judy, who lives on that other coast of ours lost a friend this week and this is part of what she said at his “homily”)

The Skin Horse had lived longer in the nursery than any of the others. He was so old that his brown coat was bald in patches and showed the seams underneath, and most of the hairs in his tail had been pulled out to string bead necklaces. He was wise, for he had seen a long succession of mechanical toys arrive to boast and swagger, and by-and-by break their mainsprings and pass away, and he knew that they were only toys, and would never turn into anything else. For nursery magic is very strange and wonderful, and only those playthings that are old and wise and experienced like the Skin Horse understand all about it.

“What is REAL?” asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. “Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?”

“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.”

“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.

“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.”

“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, “or bit by bit?”

“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

“I suppose you are real?” said the Rabbit. And then he wished he had not said it, for he thought the Skin Horse might be sensitive.

But the Skin Horse only smiled. 

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Family

can’t live with them
can’t shoot them with the gun

for the season
of family turmoil
mine was in full swing

3 weeks before xmas
I told my fadder
my bother and the VOD
that I was taking an extra week
before xmas

at that time
I strongly suggested
that the 2 members of our family
that like to hold family dinners
(the bother and the cuz)
should have a convo
so that we weren’t playing it by ear

turns out in spite of
about 30 convo’s on the subject
we still ended up
playing it by ear
and as a result..
part of the family
wasn’t included
cos we’d waited too long
and they’d made plans

that sux

still
as ya’ll know
I made the best of it
and moved into
2011

and it took them 14 days
to finally burst my bubble

2 days ago
my bother
outta the blue
calls to say
that he’s worried about his eldest
I tried to call/text the kid
but he never responds
so
yesterday
the bother drives down here
with a care package
to check on him

while he’s driving down
he texts me to say
he’s on his way
and he’ll call me
when he can
to work out a visit

so I wait
no call
I assume
the kid was ok
and that he headed home

you can imagine my surprise
when he shows up at my work today
sheepish
and hung over
cos he…and his son
and my cousins tied one on

and didn’t bother to call me

so he’s all apologies
about our wires getting crossed
and avows how he’s gotta work
on his kid’s car
(you may remember that car
it’s the one I used to drive
that belongs to the VOD
that I had to give up
and go into debt buying
my own car so the VOD
could swoop in and save my
bother a buck er two
*sigh*)

anyway…
he allows how we’ll get together
at the cousin’s
and do something for supper

I finish my day
the tail end
of a hellish kinda work week
and go the the cousin’s house

and low and behold
they’ve gone away for the weekend
so I text the bother
“where are u?”
no answer
I text the son
“where are you?”
no answer
I text the cousin
“where are you”
and she answers…
“following your brother
up Island”

I go “HuH?
he’s supposed to meet me for dinner”
she goes..
“gonna be kinda hard…
he’s 2 hrs up the Island
and headed north”

I don’t know why
this kind of shit
continues to hurt my feelings
but it does.

it’s like
everyone in the free world
is more important than me
that makes me feel less then
which in turn
makes me feel like a boob
for being childish.

so now they’re
all apologeitc
and texting me
to come up Island too
but I’m not in the mood now
not cos I’m having a suck fit
but cos I’m really tired
and prolly shouldn’t be driving
3 or 4 hours
all things considered.

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