Thanksgiving Weekend…

awesome weekend at the farm
great weekend for food and family
also
a trigger
for some unwanted sadness

I’ve been watching my parent’s age
all my life
my mom aka the VOD
is 84
my dad aka the fadder
is 80

so over the weekend
while I watched my
parents
and my brother his sweetheart
and with his kids
and my cousin with his family
wife and kids

it occurs to me
that I’m 56 years old
and that is 4 years away from 60
and that
is both sad and scary

I wonder sometimes
who will wipe tapioca
off my chin when I’m old

I wonder if I’ll be
as frail as my mother?
or as robust as my father?

I wonder if there’ll be someone
somewhere
who has to make
the hard decisions
about me
or will I be
one of the
sad “wards of the state”
one hears about

odd thoughts
at a time
when the air is crisper
the leaves are changing
and the rain is coming in

there’s something comforting
about watching the change of the seasons
however
there’s also something disquieting
in recognizing that
you are no longer a youth
that you no longer have the lions share
of your life to live

there’s something peaceful
yet wistful
that comes with age

it’s not a bad thing
it’s just a thing.