Trust…

Trust is a big word
a word I’m beginning to think
it’s actually a fallacy
a figment of one’s imagination

Trust is defined in the dictionary as:

that’s a whole lotta mumbo jumbo

much of it describes
the concept of trust…
…the idea
that when you trust someone
you can rely upon them
to act, to believe, to respond
in a certain manner
with integrity, strength, honour, etc

I used to open all my relationships
at home, at work and in life
with a basic premise of trust
betwixt myself
and the individual
I am dealing with
I started out looking for the good
and usually found it

took me a long time
to break down those walls
and to be open
but I was sure it was worth it…

I am not sure any more

I’ve learned
most specifically
over the last couple of years
to keep the guard up
to play the game
and smile and nod

a game of a different sort
than the one that kept me alive
in my youth – but a game
none the less

I trust no one completely

there’s not one person
I can think of
in the whole world
that I can open myself to completely
and know that there will be no pain
no betrayal
no lies
that they will have my back….

not one that I trust and know
that I can rely unconditionally upon
on their
integrity
strength and
ability
with confidence

in fact
what I’ve seen in the past couple of years
is betrayal of friendships
and meddling in personal lives
on levels that astound me

I’ve seem marriages of 20 years or more
betrayed in the name
of the “throbbing member”
cos apparently that’s more important
than the trust given by your partner

I’ve seen close personal loving friendships
thrown away by meddling
of gargantuan proportions
with no apologies
and with huge portions of blame…
“look what you made me do…”

I’ve seen other close loving friendships
destroyed
without ever having the parties involved
asking for the truth….
….that’d be the real truth
not the truth of the mouth pieces…
but the truth of all the parties involved

I’ve seen people profess to be friends
and throw said friends over
for convenience
cos really?
it’s easier to go to the parties
and play
than it is to examine your own truth

I’ve seen bosses
that profess engagement
and consideration
and teamwork
that micromanage
demand respect not on merit
but on title
that offer drama and spiralling tension
as engagement
and all round act the ass

I’ve seen religions brought to their knees
in the news
and spiritual groups shattered
and torn asunder
because apparently
it’s better to follow your baser instincts
than be the kind of person or group
that is trustworthy and honourable

I see people touting
Peace, Hope and Love
the anthem of the 60’s and 70’s
that’s still a pipe dream

and trust
the anthem of the masses
is a concept
not a fact
not an ability
not there.

Trust
is a fallacy
a concept
a hypothesis
a supposition
a fool notion
given gratuitously
for the benefit only of the giver

because most people,
while thinking themselves trustworthy
are only trustworthy
when it’s convenient
to them
to allow them
to attain
whatever goals they have in mind

that’s not trustworthy
that’s corrupt.

I just wish
I could stop myself
from caring that I am surrounded by liars