Lookin in

did ya ever notice how
sometimes in your life
you seem to be on the outside
looking in?

that’s how this weekend was for me

so much of it
was spent in quiet reflection
whilst sitting in a field
amoungst some 1900 revellers

it was a very odd
and disjointed
weekend for me

I’m used to being in the thick
I’ve pulled myself away
apparently the walls are back
and I’m not sure that I like it…
it’s like 10 years of personal work
has gone down the drain
I don’t like feeling insecure again
or tentative with people
but I just don’t know what to expect next

I know where I stand tho…
so
I guess it’ll get better
or not
we’ll see….

anyway….

I’m home
tired
but home

I came careening home
a day early
due to a series/flurry of phone calls
and text messages
from the blister and bother

seems they’re finally worried about the VOD

have I ever mentioned that the bother
lives on the same damn Island
as the VOD and I do?

so puzzle me this?
why was it necessary for me to blast
500 plus odd kms
interrupting my holidays
to get home
and “see to” the VOD
when he lives
200 kms away

and the cousin that started the panic
lives in the same damn city

seems that the cuz called the VOD
and she sounded “weak and frail”
so she called the bother
who texted the blister
which caused all 3 of them to call me
in a damn panic

uhhhm hello?
where the fuck have ya’ll been
for the last 5 years?
did ya think I was makin this shit up?

so I get home
at 8pm
and the VOD is in bed
she prolly weighs 90 lbs
and hasn’t eaten since I left
on Thursday
and all the food I bought her
before I left
is in the fridge…
some of it now has to be thrown out…

I think
she’s been drinking instead
but the cuz, the bother and the blister
think she may have had a stroke

she and I had a little talk
and I told her she’s going
to the Dr’s today
even if I have to drag her
kickin and screamin

I think I still have a “Power of Attorney” doc
but I gotta check
cos I’m sure things
ain’t gonna be pretty from here on in!

I got a couple of very nice
“early” b’day gifts
Bee got me a beautiful hard cover copy of
“Good Faeries, Bad Faeries” by Brian Froud
and Arlene got me one of the three tattoo’s
that I’ve been waiting to get
till I have a little “extra cash”

this is it about 10 min after it was finished
it’ll look much better once it’s
cleaned up and healed
I’ll find someone with a camera
and get a better pic then….

kinda nice tho
both gifts speak to my spirit
and that kinda recognition
is a blessing