it’s out there….
some people attract celebrity
they are known as “stars”
some people attract animals
they have “animal magnetism”
me?
I’m an asshole attractor
I’m an asshole magnet
I can’t help it
it’s true
case in point some of the more poignant posts
in this very blog
about the caliber of idjits
I run into in my day to day life
remember the drunk guy in the pub
that tried to pick a fight
and pour beer on the VOD on the 4th of July?
last night I went to dinner in the same pub with friends
guess who was sitting at the next table
gunning me off
all the way thru dinner?
the very person whom I had been assured
was barred for life for calling my mother
the “c” word thereby almost getting me
thrown in jail….
I did my best to studiously ignore said duffus
but he was sitting at the table next to us
and facing me
so every time I looked across the table
at the man of the couple I was with
for dinner
I found the putz glaring at me
I rose above
ate my meal
and left the pub
as I was pulling out of the parking spot
I look in the rear view mirror
to spy the prick in question
standing behind the VODmobile
I wait to see what he’s doing
he’s just standing
with his back to my trunk
smoking a cigarette
to my mind
I have 2 choices
I can wait for him to finish
and then get out of the parking spot
or I can lay on the horn and run him over
me…I wait for about half a smoke
and then I go for plan B
I get outta my car and say
“excuse me….I’m trying to leave”
to which
the man of the hour answers
“fuck you c**t”
I’m gobsmaked for all of about 10 seconds
and then I holler back….
“I don’t know what your fucking problem is
but feel free to just stand there…I’ll just run you over”
and in my heart of hearts
I knew it to be true
I got in the car and gunned the motor
he moved
and I left
what is it about this face
that attracts such idiocy?
what could I possibly done
in a past life
to cause such shards in the veneer
of my life….
to warrant such continuous proof
that I’m an asshole attractor
I’m the best asshole magnet
in the universe….?
