Less than Stellar

today
turned into a somewhat
less than stellar day….

have I mentioned that the boss
in a moment of abject stupidity
gave my colleague the week off?
that’d be the week that we “go live”
as they say in my business…..

so I didn’t have time to wipe my ass properly
all freakin day long

I got off a 4:30
went shopping

it will come as no surprise to ya’ll
that I’m the large economy size
so I shop at the large economy sized ladies stores
er
rather
I used to shop at the large economy sized ladies stores…

one store (that is notorious for “old lady fashion”)
now believes that all plus sized women
are 5 ft tall
while almost everything in the store will go around me
nothing comes past my gawd damned knees

another store
has my size and the petite are 3 inches too short
and the tall are 6 inches too long
and they don’t carry anything in between

the third store…
the one that I have been shopping at for 4 years
no longer carries the style that I’d like in the right size
they carry regular sizes in that style
but no large economy sizes

and just to add insult to injury
almost all of the stores have decided
that jeans shouldn’t come with back pockets
and my waistline is somewhere near my pubic bone

WTF?

so I decide to throw in the towel
and go out for supper
I head to one restaurant
drive around the parking lot…
no spots to park
so I head to another
no spots to park that are big enough
for me to get the gawd damn tank
I’m driving this week
in
I head to another restaurant….
find a parking spot
go inside and not one damn table
and the line up is right to the door

I think I’m gonna have
ramen noodles and vodka for supper!