{"id":995,"date":"2005-03-25T08:42:00","date_gmt":"2005-03-25T16:42:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/beltdrivebetty.com\/wyzwmnsworld\/?p=995"},"modified":"2010-09-29T18:31:17","modified_gmt":"2010-09-30T01:31:17","slug":"daddys-new-computer-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wyzwmn9444.live-website.com\/?p=995","title":{"rendered":"Daddy’s New Computer"},"content":{"rendered":"

Mother fucking ocean!
May all the gods\u2019 protect us\u2026my 75 year old father bought his first computer and now this is how I spend my time\u2026.<\/p>\n

Ring!
Ring!
Ring\u2026.<\/span><\/p>\n

Me: WyzWmn\u2019s World of Wonder\u2026how can I help you?<\/span><\/p>\n

He: I\u2019m throwing this fuckin thing in the river!<\/span><\/p>\n

Me: Nice to hear from you again dad\u2026what are ya gonna be throwin in the river today? <\/span><\/p>\n

He: that goddamned box you talked me into buyin!<\/span><\/p>\n

Me: Box\u2026hmmm? oooohhhhhh\u2026havin a little challenge with the computer are ya?<\/span><\/p>\n

He: Challenge?!?! The fuckin thing is possessed by the deeevil and I need to hit it with a fuckin hammer!<\/span><\/p>\n

Me: calm down dad\u2026what are you trying to do?<\/span><\/p>\n

He: All I wanted to do was send your sister one of them emails\u2026. and the fucking machine ate every god damm thing I typed and then it had the profound audacity to beep at me!<\/span><\/p>\n

Me: Well I\u2019m sure it wasn\u2019t being intentionally rude dad\u2026so\u2026..describe to me what you are looking at and maybe we can fix this<\/span><\/p>\n

He: well lets see\u2026there\u2019s this box see, and another box and then there\u2019s a green box and then there\u2019s a bunch more boxes and then there\u2019s my email\u2026I think?<\/span><\/p>\n

Me: So the email isn\u2019t gone\u2026it\u2019s just behind a bunch of boxes<\/span><\/p>\n

He: Were ye nay liseninn ya feeble minded twit? I tol you it twas gone! Ya know\u2026.all yer god damn life I been telling you things and you ain\u2019t been listening to me and now look atcha\u2026.where the hell ya get the nerve\u2026ye be yer mither\u2019s daughter mind\u2026.<\/span><\/p>\n

Me: Dad\u2026.Dad\u2026.Dad\u2026.Dad\u2026.DAD! ~ deep cleansing breaths~ Remember we had these lessons about windows? and we talked about how ya gotta close them little boxes some times to find the stuff yer looking for\u2026and that every time you open sommat ya gotta close it\u2026cos it won\u2019t close itself\u2026that ya have to hit the same key\u2026once to turn it on and once to turn it off? Remember?<\/span><\/p>\n

He: Well ya didn\u2019t tell me I had to remember all\u2019us shit! Why\u2019d I buy a computer if it doesn\u2019t do what I want?<\/span><\/p>\n

Me: Well it\u2019s only a machine Dad\u2026think of it as a baby with a brand new brain\u2026ya gotta tell it what to do\u2026<\/span><\/p>\n

He: Ya well alla you kids eventually learned and I didn\u2019t have to tell you no more\u2026<\/span><\/p>\n

Me: Do ya wanna send Sissy an email?\u2026take a deep breath and tell me what\u2019s open<\/span><\/p>\n

He: Open? Open? How the Sam Hill am I supposed to know what\u2019s open? What\u2019s the matter with you???<\/span><\/p>\n

Me: Dad! look in the upper left hand corner of the first box and tell me what you see?<\/span><\/p>\n

He: I see a god dam box!<\/span><\/p>\n

Me: ~sigh~ I know you see a box dad\u2026but at the top of the box is a blue line and in the upper left hand corner\u2026in that blue line it says sommat?? What\u2019s it say???<\/span><\/p>\n

He: Document 31 – Microsoft Word<\/span><\/p>\n

Me: (Document 31! ~fuck me!~) ok dad\u2026across the top of that little box is a blue line\u2026in the right hand end of the blue line there\u2019s 3 little buttons\u2026one is an X, one is a little box and one is a little line\u2026do ya see that<\/span><\/p>\n

He: there\u2019s no blue line in the upper right hand corner<\/span><\/p>\n

Me: in the upper right hand corner of the box in front?<\/span><\/p>\n

He: how do I know which box is in front?<\/span><\/p>\n

Me: well\u2026it\u2019d be the one THAT YOU ARE LOOKIN AT!!!!!<\/span><\/p>\n

He: Oh\u2026well why didn\u2019t ya say so?<\/p>\n

Saint\u2019s preserve us I need a drink!<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Mother fucking ocean!May all the gods\u2019 protect us\u2026my 75 year old father bought his first computer and now this is how I spend my time\u2026. Ring!Ring!Ring\u2026. Me: WyzWmn\u2019s World of Wonder\u2026how can I help you? He: I\u2019m throwing this fuckin … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-995","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wyzwmn9444.live-website.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/995","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wyzwmn9444.live-website.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wyzwmn9444.live-website.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wyzwmn9444.live-website.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wyzwmn9444.live-website.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=995"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/wyzwmn9444.live-website.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/995\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5890,"href":"https:\/\/wyzwmn9444.live-website.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/995\/revisions\/5890"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wyzwmn9444.live-website.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=995"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wyzwmn9444.live-website.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=995"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wyzwmn9444.live-website.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=995"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}