by now most of you know
\nthat I’ve been off work for 2 years
\nI had what HR professionals call
\na medical nexus<\/p>\n
that’s when your life and your health
\ngoes to shit
\nin one fell swoop<\/p>\n
my father died
\nmy mother had to go into a home
\nall of my health issues
\nare exacerbated by stress
\nI moved to a new job
\nturns out
\nit was the wrong job for me<\/p>\n
my stress levels
\nwere palpable
\nand my brain said
\n“ok – I’m done”<\/p>\n
I started making huge mistakes
\nthe end result was medical leave
\nI was refused long term disability
\nshort term ran out in Feb 2016
\nmy savings and RSP’s are now gone
\nmy car is gone
\nI have no cell phone
\nI have no cable
\nI barely have internet
\nand it’s only a matter of time
\ntill it’s gone too<\/p>\n
the place that I work
\nsays they can’t find me a job
\ncos their specialist
\nsays I’m brain damaged<\/p>\n
I only was able to give my landlord
\nsome of my rent
\ndue to the extreeme kindness
\nof my Tribe.<\/p>\n
I’ve worked hard over the last
\ncouple of years
\nto get healthy again
\npart of that work
\nwas to have surgery June 7, 2017
\nto lose weight<\/p>\n
the first person that says
\nI took the easy way out
\nis gonna make me
\ndust off my bitch slap<\/p>\n
there is nothing
\nabsolutely nothing
\neasy about this<\/p>\n
I had 3 weeks
\nof liquid diet
\nprior to surgery
\nand 2 weeks after
\ncurrently
\nI can consume 2 – 3 tablespoons of food
\nat one sitting
\nso in order to get enough protein in me
\nI have to eat 6 times a day right now<\/p>\n
I’m supposed to practice
\nmindful eating
\n(I’m beginning to dislike the word mindful)
\nI come from a family of world class
\nspeed eaters
\nI can’t simply sit at a table
\ntake a bite
\nchew 30 times
\nand swallow
\nso I’ve devised a couple of work arounds
\nfist – I have to read 3-5 pages
\nof my book between bites
\nor
\nI leave my meal in the kitchen
\nand have to leave whatever room
\nI’m working\\sitting in to go to the kitchen
\nto get a bite<\/p>\n
then there’s the whole water issue
\nI’m supposed to be drinking 64 oz of water a day
\nI’ve made it as high as 18 oz
\nI can’t drink for a half hour before I eat
\nand an hour after I eat
\nor it forces the food I’ve consumed
\nto rush through my system
\nlike grease through a gander<\/p>\n
so I’ve gone from not wearing a watch
\nfor 10 years
\nto having alarms chirping every 15 min
\nto remind me to drink
\nand bells ringing every 2 hours
\nwhile I am awake to remind me to
\nconsume protein<\/p>\n
and I’m resigned to spending the rest of my life
\ntaking many vitamins
\nto suppliment
\nthe food I eat
\nto keep my teeth in my head
\nmy bones happy
\nand the rest of my healthy<\/p>\n
it’s working
\nI don’t know how much weight I’ve lost
\nI don’t own a scale
\nI won’t find out
\ntill I see the program Dr
\nat the end of the month
\nbut I know I’ve lost weight
\ncos my cousin called me “skinny” the other day
\nand last years summer clothes
\ndon’t fit right<\/p>\n
this will be the culmination
\nof 40 years of being morbidly obese
\nwith co-morbidities
\nso it’s worth it
\nit’s actually exciting<\/p>\n
and yet – it’s not the greatest
\nfocus in my life just now
\nI’m on the Great Canadian Job Hunt
\nyet again.
\nI’m turning 62 on the 28th of July
\nso I’m not looking for a career
\njust the ability to work
\nand feed myself
\nuntil my age forces me into retirement<\/p>\n
my brain functions
\nthe way it always has
\nI’ve always had work arounds
\nfor the way my brain functions
\nand no amount of some psychologist
\nis going to make me beleive
\nI am unable to work
\nor not smart enough<\/p>\n
they can all kiss my grits eh?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
by now most of you know that I’ve been off work for 2 years I had what HR professionals call a medical nexus that’s when your life and your health goes to shit in one fell swoop my father died … Continue reading