I’m in my late 20’s
\nand at a party
\ngetting drunk
\nand high
\nI’m having fun!<\/p>\n
at some point
\nafter dark
\nand in the middle of the night
\nwith the full moon bright
\nI decide I want to go home<\/p>\n
i’m living in a small town
\nthe party is in a town
\na couple of miles away<\/p>\n
it’s late summer – early fall
\na full moon
\nand I drunkenly decide
\nto walk home<\/p>\n
stupid idea
\nI’m wearing jeans,
\nvery high heel boots
\nand a while peplum blazer<\/p>\n
but off I go
\ninto the darkness
\nlistening to my Walkman
\nwearing headphones
\nand singing along
\ndrunkenly<\/p>\n
the road is blisteringly dark
\nI’m walking\/stumbling along
\nlistening to the click of my heels
\non the pavement
\nall loose jointed
\nand silly
\nI realize
\nI’m definitely wearing the wrong boots
\nfor a long walk<\/p>\n
but I laugh at myself
\nbecause I’m still drunk\\high<\/p>\n
I keep walking
\nthere’s a curve in the road
\nahead
\nan abandoned gas station
\nacross the road on my left
\ngrass strewn ditch
\nand high rock cut to my right<\/p>\n
no lights anywhere
\njust the full moon
\noffering eerie
\nillumination
\nboth ahead
\nand behind<\/p>\n
something makes me uncomfortable
\nmy gut?<\/p>\n
I pull off my headphones
\nand hear footsteps
\ncoming from the gas station<\/p>\n
in my drunken wisdom
\nI know that this person
\nmeans me no harm<\/p>\n
so I continue to hum
\nand dance down the road<\/p>\n
just about the time
\nI convince myself
\nthat I didn’t hear anything
\nand struggle to drunkenly put
\nmy headphones on
\nI am grabbed from behind<\/p>\n
one hand over my mouth
\nand one strong muscular arm
\naround my waist<\/p>\n
things become slow motion
\nyet seem to happen
\nas fast as lightening<\/p>\n
I struggle
\ntrying to get away
\nI stumble
\nand he tightens his hold a little
\nwe tumble into the ditch<\/p>\n
I reach over my own head
\nand grab a violent
\nfistful of thick bristly hair
\nI yank
\nand struggle
\nand scream<\/p>\n
while this man
\nwrestles to get control<\/p>\n
by the light of the moon
\nI see his cheek and jaw
\nand I see pockmarked scars
\nlittle dark craters
\nfrom years of picking<\/p>\n
I never stop struggling
\nand I rip out a handful of his hair<\/p>\n
I continue to scream
\ntill I’m hoarse
\nand now he’s muttering vile names
\nwith fetid breath<\/p>\n
eventually
\nsomehow
\nhe smacks my head
\non a rock
\nand I see stars
\nthen nothing<\/p>\n
that’s the last I remember<\/p>\n
till I wake up the next morning
\nnaked
\nbruised
\nbloody
\nill
\nin the abandoned gas station<\/p>\n
it’s pouring rain<\/p>\n
I know
\nI’ve been hurt
\nbut I have no memory
\nbut for the breif glimpse
\nof his skin and hair
\nand the rancid smell
\nof rotten teeth<\/p>\n
I am alone
\nI take my time
\nwhimpering
\nshivering
\nfearful
\nas I find my clothes
\nand my boots<\/p>\n
I dress
\nshivering and shaking
\nmy white peplum blazer
\nis grass stained filthy
\nand my jeans are torn
\nas is my tshirt
\nbut I dress the best I can<\/p>\n
eventually fear
\novercomes me
\nand I continue my walk
\nto the town I live in<\/p>\n
in my mind
\nI’m completely
\nempty of thought
\nI’m not happy or sad or scared
\nempty
\nbut I’m cold
\nshivering
\nand it’s raining<\/p>\n
I know I have visible
\nmarks
\na swollen cracked lip
\na puffy, bruised face
\nI refuse to look at my body<\/p>\n
as I get to town
\nas I take a shortcut
\nacross the grocery store
\nparking lot
\na car pulls up
\nand it’s him!<\/p>\n
he laughs
\nand blows kisses at me
\nthen parks and gets out of his car
\nand heads into a cafe<\/p>\n
I just stand in the road
\nand stare<\/p>\n
I have no idea
\nwhat to say?
\nwhat to do?
\nwhat happened?<\/p>\n
but I do<\/p>\n
I just stand in the road
\nand shake
\nwater streaming down my face
\nhair soaked
\nand hanging around my head and shoulders<\/p>\n
the friend of a friend
\nwalks toward me
\nhe too is wet
\nhe’s wearing
\none of those yellow
\nwork raincoats
\nhe says nothing
\nhe just stands and stares at me<\/p>\n
I tell no-one
\nI’m scared
\nand ashamed
\nI tell no one.<\/p>\n
**************************************
\nnow I’m awake
\nand I wonder
\nis this a memory?
\nor
\nmy brain playing tricks?<\/p>\n
I have so many years
\nthat I still can’t account for
\nand it’s so damn real<\/p>\n
I do have to wonder how I can remember
\nin such detail
\nthe way I look
\nthe smell
\nthe struggle
\nscreaming myself hoarse<\/p>\n
if it’s just my mind?
\nif it’s just a dream?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I’m in my late 20’s and at a party getting drunk and high I’m having fun! at some point after dark and in the middle of the night with the full moon bright I decide I want to go home … Continue reading