I go to bed at 8:30
\nit’s still light out
\nbut I’m out like a light
\nor like someone
\nhit me on the head with a hammer<\/p>\n
I can’t get over how exhausted I am
\nit’s like my infection levels
\nare still high<\/p>\n
however I’ve just come off
\na round of antibiotics
\non Monday
\nso that can’t be it<\/p>\n
I wake the first time
\njust before 10
\nwander into the bathroom
\ntake care of business
\nand back to bed<\/p>\n
between 10 and 4AM
\nI’m up 12 more times
\nat 4AM I discover I’m bleeding<\/p>\n
I go back to bed
\nand hope I’m wrong<\/p>\n
but I’m not…<\/p>\n
by 6:30 I’ve been up
\nanother 9 times
\nthis time I get dressed
\nand drive to the hospital<\/p>\n
I leave a VM for my boss
\nand text my brother
\n“guess where I am again?”<\/p>\n
I’m so tired
\nof having to do this
\nof having to take care of myself
\nof being a middle aged woman
\nwith “issues”
\n30 years of this shit gets old<\/p>\n
this infection
\nhas moved into my kidneys again
\nI’m twitching from
\nthe convulsive like pain
\nand doing what the emerg triage nurse
\ncalls “the potty dance”
\nshe says all women know what it is
\nvery few men do<\/p>\n
I am admitted into emerg
\nand I wait
\nand wait some more
\njust before 10AM the Dr comes in
\nnot one I’ve seen before
\nhe doesn’t want to hear
\nwhat I’m saying
\nhe’s sure it’s “just a UTI”
\nalright then
\n“how about you lay down here and twitch
\nand I’ll treat you like a hypochondriac, SIR?”
\nsarcasm ever always a defense mechanism
\nbefore I actually do lose my temper<\/p>\n
that gets thru to him
\nhe checks my VIHA records finally
\nand realizes that this is more
\nthat I’ve just come off a round
\nof pretty strong antibiotics
\nand it didn’t work
\nit just drove the damn thing
\nunderground
\nto fester…
\nmaybe it’s caused by a fistula
\nmaybe I’ve become immune to the drug
\nto the last antibiotic<\/p>\n
he tells me
\nhe’s going to have me put on an IV
\nof a different antibiotic
\nand I should go out and put money
\nin the meter
\nif I’ve driven myself here<\/p>\n
I go out
\nand drop another 6$ in the meter
\nand come back for the IV<\/p>\n
a nurse comes in and hands me a pill
\nand some crappy warm water
\nonce I’ve taken the pill
\nshe hands me a prescription
\nand tells me to go home
\nand rest
\nand to see someone
\nif I get feverish, pukey or dizzy<\/p>\n
“well of course I’m feverish
\npukey and dizzy…I’m a diabetic
\nthat hasn’t had a meal or medication
\nsince last night”<\/p>\n
“oh…you should eat” she says
\nfuck me..”Ya think?”<\/p>\n
I ask again if she’s sure
\n“the dr says it’s to be an IV”<\/p>\n
“well!”she says all huffy
\ncos I’ve obviously got an attitude
\n“it says right here pills”
\nand she shows me some
\ngobbly gook on a clip board<\/p>\n
like I could read that shit
\neven if I went to med school…<\/p>\n
“could you just check please” I ask
\n“I don’t need to…”<\/p>\n
fine…I take the prescription
\nand head out to my car
\nthere’s a elderly fellow
\nfumbling to get change for parking
\nas I walk by I offer him my 6$ ticket<\/p>\n
cos this has been
\nsuch a banner day
\nI might just as well
\npay it forward<\/p>\n
he thanks me
\nand takes my ticket
\nto his car<\/p>\n
I get in my car
\nstart the engine
\nand am overcome
\nwith more twitching
\nthere’s a knock at the window
\nit’s the nurse
\n“you can’t leave
\nyou need an IV”<\/p>\n
I have to laugh
\nif I don’t I’ll cry<\/p>\n
I pay another $6 for parking
\nand head back into emerg
\nthe nurse ushers me back into
\nthe same room
\nthe Dr comes in and tells me
\nI shouldn’t have left
\nI need an IV
\nI’m too tired and sore
\nto argue<\/p>\n
he leaves
\nthe nurse comes back in
\nwith a needle
\nI say “what? no IV?”
\nshe says “no this works
\njust as well”<\/p>\n
I lay down on a gurney
\nand she gives me
\na both hot and cold
\nshot in the ass
\nand sends me on my way<\/p>\n
I pick up my purse
\nand as I’m leaving
\nthe Dr stops me and asks
\n“where are you going
\nyou need an IV”<\/p>\n
“I just got a shot in my ass”
\nI says
\n“and I work in customer service…
\nif I gave this kind of service
\nI’d lose my job
\nbut no one would die”<\/p>\n
he snorts and walks away.<\/p>\n
I phone the boss
\nand tell her I’m going home to bed
\nand that I’m surrounded by fucking morons
\nshe laughs
\ncos she knows I’ve no patience
\nfor stupid
\non a good day
\nthen I text my brother
\nand tell him I’m ok<\/p>\n
I’m home now
\nat least
\nI can rest
\nand hopefully
\nstop twitching and bleeding
\nsometime soon.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I go to bed at 8:30 it’s still light out but I’m out like a light or like someone hit me on the head with a hammer I can’t get over how exhausted I am it’s like my infection levels … Continue reading