In Feburary
\nwhen my job imploded
\nalong with my chest<\/p>\n
I finally allowed
\nmy Dr to prescribe
\na small anti-depressant
\n(small in comparrison to my size
\nnot size of pill LoL)<\/p>\n
I’d been fighting it
\nfor a couple of years
\nbecause I felt like
\nI should have been able
\nto suck it up
\nand get on with life<\/p>\n
after all
\nthat’s what I’ve done
\nfor 50 odd years<\/p>\n
besides
\nI’m an addict
\nand I spend a great deal of time
\nwalking that razor’s edge
\nbetween drugs I need
\nand drugs I want<\/p>\n
if you get my drift<\/p>\n
anyway
\nbecause of the chest pains
\nthe consensus of the dr’s
\nin my triad
\n(GP, Internist, Heart specialist)
\nfelt it was
\n“in my best interest”<\/p>\n
so here I am
\n6 mths later
\nand I have to say
\nthat it was likely
\na good decision<\/p>\n
I’ve spent a very long time
\ndown a deep dark hole
\npunishing myself
\nfor decisions
\nI’d made
\nand repeated
\nover the years<\/p>\n
this little pill
\nhas changed my outlook<\/p>\n
my cup is once again
\nhalf full
\nwithout effort<\/p>\n
I find myself
\nonce again
\ninvested in my life<\/p>\n
I find I’m laughing again
\nI find I’m enjoying my new job
\nI find I’m willing to take chances
\nI find I’m less fearful
\nthan I have been in a long time<\/p>\n
I find
\nthe monumental hurts
\nperpatrated by others
\nand myself
\nno longer so painful<\/p>\n
I find myself wondering
\nif my depression
\nhas not been
\nas a result of
\na genetic predisposition
\n(I can, off the top of my head
\nname a dozen people in my family
\nthat have some kind of depression issue)<\/p>\n
I wonder
\nhow much better
\ntheir lives would be
\nif they’d just
\ntake a little pill<\/p>\n
my chest is better
\nI have a new job
\nI no longer have to take
\nabuse on the job
\nbecause I am afraid
\nof what I may lose<\/p>\n
my life is good,
\nmy health
\nas complicated
\nas it’s always been
\nis even more complicated
\nbut I’m not stressed
\nmy rx’s are now worth
\n$750.00 a week
\nand I’m not stressed
\nmy new job requires
\nI pay for the drugs outright
\nand they will re-imburse me
\na prospect that while I know
\nwill tie up a great deal of my money
\nfor 10 days to 2 weeks at a time
\nI’m not stresed
\nand that
\nin a nutshell
\nit what the difference is<\/p>\n
at this moment in time
\nI am not stressed
\nabout work, health, friends, family
\nthe planet
\nI am not stressed<\/p>\n
It’s not that I’m drugged
\ninto a anti-depressant stupor
\nor that I’m unaware
\nand not feeling my life<\/p>\n
it’s just that the stress
\nand anxiety
\nI have shared my life with
\nfor so very long
\nis not there…<\/p>\n
and that
\nis kinda neat!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
In Feburary when my job imploded along with my chest I finally allowed my Dr to prescribe a small anti-depressant (small in comparrison to my size not size of pill LoL) I’d been fighting it for a couple of years … Continue reading