Alrighty\u2026I promised I\u2019d write this\u2026.and I\u2019ve been remiss\u2026.so grab a cup o something\u2026this is going to take a while.<\/p>\n
In April the Bother\u2019s lady love contacted the Fadder and I about the bothers \u2019s 50th birthday \u2013 she\u2019d decided on a surprise party and in spite of The fadder and I attesting to the fact that we\u2019re lousy at keeping secrets (case in point the \u201cit\u2019s a teapot\u201d story of Wyz\u2019s and The fadder fame)\u2026she and his friends The bother\u2019s best friend and The bother\u2019s best friend\u2019s wife\u00a0 (The bother\u2019s best friend who was The bother\u2019s partner in crime in grade school and who now lives in Nanaimo) decided that they were going to go for it.<\/p>\n
This was not to be just a regular run of the mill surprise\u2026oh no\u2026it was a surprise of epic proportions and there was a clandestine team of \u201csecret agents\u201d involved in the planning etc. There were lists to be made, people to be contacted surreptitiously and stealth was of the utmost importance. Meetings took place, plans put into top secret effect\u2026.there were people were coming from as far away as Thunder Bay and from every walk of The bother\u2019s life.\u00a0 Because of the going\u2019s on in my life I wasn\u2019t so much involved in the planning stages\u2026but The fadder had lists and was a going concern\u2026<\/p>\n
\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Contact the Horne Lake Crew \u221a
\n\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Contact The bother\u2019s other friend to arrange golfing \u221a
\n\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Contact the neighbours to arrange parking\u221a
\n\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Contact the neighbours to warn of noise\u221a
\n\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Contact the cuz’s clan and arrange for their arrival \u221a
\n\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Leave the truck behind on the day so The nefew and The nefew\u2019s girl (the nefew\u2019s girlfriend)can use it to pick up tables, chairs, assorted wine glasses and a pail er two of wine, a keg o beer, cases of homemade wine, baron\u2019s of beef, hams to be baked and salads and sweets, there was a cake and gifts etc etc etc
\n\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u221a \u221a \u221a \u221a \u221a \u221a \u221a \u221a \u221a \u221a \u221a
\n\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0The fadder was a dervish\u2026
\n\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0I was to show up to be the designated driver of the evening\u2026
\n\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0The bother\u2019s lady love and The bother\u2019s best friend\u2019s wife were on d\u00e9cor duty with The VOD supervising.<\/p>\n
So The bother\u2019s birthday is the 18th\u2026 the weekend before was the last weekend another cuz was in town and The cuz\u2019s wife had arranged for everyone who was available to be at their place here in Victoria for dinner\u2026I couldn\u2019t go as I had a previous thing\u2026and The cuz\u2019s wife said that she felt she had to say something about The bother\u2019s birthday if only to throw The bother off the scent\u2026but that when she did so some people at the table had coughing fits thinking she was going to blow the whistle\u2026and we\u2019d have had another \u201cit\u2019s a teapot\u201d situation.<\/p>\n
The deal was that The bother\u2019s friend The bother\u2019s other friend had arranged for The bother, The fadder, The bother\u2019s best friend and himself to go golfing\u2026in an attempt to allow The bother\u2019s lady love and The bother\u2019s best friend\u2019s wife the time to get into the house to decorate and allow for all the people to arrive.\u00a0 As luck would have it \u2013 it was a lovely day (probably one of the first really nice days we\u2019d had all summer) and golf they did.\u00a0 Now anyone that has golfed with The fadder and The bother will know that there\u2019s usually a beer or two\u2026maybe even three imbibed over the course of the course\u2026and The bother\u2019s other friend\u2026he likes to haul a mickey of whiskey just to take the chill off\u2026so here\u2019s poor The fadder\u2026thinking he should probably try to keep The bother sober cos there\u2019s a party waiting to happen at his house\u2026and The bother\u2019s in party mode\u2026.he think this is his b\u2019day party.<\/p>\n
Team Secret Agent texts The bother\u2019s best friend from The bother\u2019s house around supper time\u2026they now have to keep The bother away from the house till 6:30\u2026The bother\u2019s best friend becomes contrary to his usual \u201cgoing with the flow\u201d personality and demands that they go to a pub up the road and close to the base\u2026we now know that he was trying to waste time\u2026but at the time The bother thought The bother\u2019s best friend\u2019d lost his marbles on the course.<\/p>\n
In the meantime\u2026I got off work at 4 \u2013 at 4:40 I was in the lineup for the Brentwood Bay\/Mill Bay ferry\u2026a lineup that\u2019s changed since I was last on it\u2026..the wee ferry cuts about 2 hours of rush hour traffic from the peninsula where I live to the Malahat Mt drive and I thought going into it that it would be a time saver\u2026little did I know\u2026<\/p>\n
So I\u2019m in the line up and get a text from The cuz\u2019s #1 kid (The cuz and The cuz\u2019s wife\u2019s son) asking for my ETA \u2013 there were at that time already over the Malahat\u2026I advise that the ferry is now running about a half hour late and that I can\u2019t get out of the line cos of the changes\u2026turns out that the ferry is an hour late. By the time I get to drive onto the ferry I realize I have a flat tire.\u00a0 There\u2019s a strange occurrence that happens in ferry lines\u2026it\u2019s like we all become fast and immediate friends cos we\u2019re stuck in this lineup waiting for the next sailing\u2026so when I tried to pull out of the line and one of the ferry employees started to admonish me\u2026the young fellow behind me leaned out of his truck and said \u201cif you have a spare I\u2019ll change if for you on the boat\u201d\u2026so I drove my car very slowly on the rim onto the boat<\/p>\n
When I got on the boat the deck hand also offered to help me change the tire.\u00a0 I start to haul crap out of my trunk to get to my donut spare and all of a sudden the Capt of the boat is standing on his little top deck screaming at us \u201cYOU ARE NOT F*CKING CHANGING THAT F*CKING TIRE ON THIS F*CKING BOAT\u2026I AM THE CAPT OF THIS F*CKING BOAT AND MY WORD IS F*CKING LAW!\u201d\u00a0 We begin to cough and sputter and I start to ask can I wait till the other side and do it before the next load boards\u2026but he screams right over my comment.<\/p>\n
He carried on like that for what seemed to be an hour\u2026.but was likely a minute and a bit. Long enough though to cause a crowd to gather and to irk me just enough to want to climb the ladder and smack his mouth\u2026.real hard twice.<\/p>\n
He was pretty verbal\u2026I was hugely unimpressed (sic madder n hell) He continued to say that should we put the car on a jack and a swell knock it off while we were off shore he\u2019d end up in jail.\u00a0 (While I see his point\u2026it\u2019s all in the delivery eh?)\u00a0 I turned to a little girl of about 8 who was standing in the crowd and said \u201cit\u2019s not what you say it\u2019s how you say it\u2026no?\u201d She agreed vehemently so I climbed into my car and locked myself in to keep Wyz\u2019s “May Holler” from putting in an appearance.<\/p>\n
I called The fadder\u2026who was really weird on the phone\u2026and then hung up\u2026.that\u2019s odd??<\/p>\n
Back in Courtenay The bother\u2019s best friend\u2019s wife is texting The bother\u2019s best friend over and over and not getting a response\u2026so she and The bother\u2019s lady love and all of The bother\u2019s friends from far and wide are starting to panic\u2026where have those boys got to? Vacillating between worrying and I\u2019ll kill them if they are over partied by the time they get here.<\/p>\n
I called The bother\u2019s lady love (by this time it\u2019s 7 \u2013 7:30PM) and told her that I had a flat and one of those donuts and a young man was going to change it for me and did she know anywhere between Mill Bay and Courtenay that would be open on Friday night to fix a tire\u2026the answer of course is no\u2026but consensus of the attendees that were now waiting for The bother (and had no idea where those 4 men had got to) was that I could drive it as far as I needed to go\u2026as long as I didn\u2019t exceed the speed of 80 kms on the way.<\/p>\n
The ferry arrives at the Mill Bay dock and I let everyone else disembark and then I slowly creep off the ferry on my flat tire and rim in doing so the tire splits away from the rim.\u00a0 This ferry terminal is on a hill so I have to virtually crawl up the hill to a place where I can pull off\u2026the young man was there waiting for me\u2026as were 5 other vehicles that just wanted to make sure I was ok. (nice eh?)<\/p>\n
So the young guy changes my tire\u2026I try to give him $20 to get himself a beer er two but he refuses telling me that he works for a brewery and doesn\u2019t need to pay for his beer\u2026.how cool is that?<\/p>\n
And so I embark upon the drive from hell.\u00a0 80kms is very very not fast on the highway when the speed limit is 90 and little white haired ladies sitting on phone books to read the steering wheel are blowing past ya\u2026but when the speed limit it 110\u2026it\u2019s like walking\u2026..srsly.\u00a0 However\u2026as the day crept into night I realized that I used to love driving at night and I cranked the tunes a chitty chitty bang banged my way along.<\/p>\n
I tried to call The fadder again\u2026something was going on and he couldn\u2019t talk so I told him that I would meet him at The bother\u2019s\u2026to stay there till I got there.\u00a0 The cuz texted a couple of times and The VOD called to check up on me\u2026and although it was the longest 2.5 hr trip on record\u2026I made it to The bother\u2019s just about before 11pm<\/p>\n
The bother\u2019s house was amazing! There were people galore…The bother and The bother\u2019s best friend\u2019s friend Another of the bother\u2019s other friends from Thunder Bay, guys The bother has worked with, played with, gone to church with, neighbours, The bother\u2019s lady love\u2019s family, our family\u2026enough food and booze to sink a rather large ship\u2026and there\u2019s my brother\u2026standing there with this silly grin on his face yelling \u201cFEEDOM!!!\u201d<\/p>\n
What?<\/p>\n
So\u2026a bunch of stories happened at once\u2026firstly\u2026when I called The fadder the 2nd time and he couldn\u2019t talk\u2026it was because he and The bother had got pulled over in a roadside check on the way to that pub that The bother\u2019s best friend had demanded that they go to in order to waste time before bringing him home for the big surprise. The bother\u2019s best friend and The bother\u2019s other friend in one vehicle, The bother and The fadder in another\u2026.and it\u2019s just around the corner from the golf course\u2026so I guess they thought they\u2019d be ok. (you are familiar with the term \u201c10 ft tall and bulletproof\u201d? I find that applies to a lot of people after a few brews.)<\/p>\n
Anyway\u2026the law here is that at .05 you have to go in for a full on breathalyzer and if you blow over you are DUI.\u00a0 The bother\u2026who\u2019d been imbibing all afternoon thinking this golf expedition was his birthday celebration blew at .048.\u00a0 We can only surmise that there was a malfunction in the machine\u2026cos although he wasn\u2019t as plowed as he was when I arrived several hours later\u2026he was far from sober. And this happened almost right in front of the pub they were going to.<\/p>\n
When the police finally let The bother park his truck and go into the bar\u2026The fadder was stressed (all he can think of is how if The bother loses his license his career will be fully fubar\u2019d for a good while), The bother\u2019s best friend and The bother\u2019s other friend are pleased and of course The bother elated cos he\u2019d had visions of his career blowing out the window with a DUI. So they had a few more fast drinks\u2026then one of them had the presence of mind to contact the limo service from the golf course and they got picked up and driven to The bother\u2019s house.<\/p>\n
So picture the limo van pulling up in front of The bother\u2019s and as he\u2019s getting out he realizes that The cuz and The cuz\u2019s wife and The cuz\u2019s #2 kid and The cuz\u2019s #1 kid are climbing out of their truck at the exact same moment.\u00a0 Hmmmm?\u00a0 The bother hollers \u201cwhat are you guys doing here?\u201d to which The cuz\u2019s #1 kid (the quickest thinker) returns \u2013 \u201cwe\u2019re going trail riding on Mt Washington and just stopped by to say hello\u201d and then saunters away. (does kinda make one wonder how a young man developed that skill so advantageously? No? I think The cuz and The cuz\u2019s wife may be watching that skill going forward LoL)<\/p>\n
So into the house they go to 50 people yelling Surprise! And then the story telling began\u2026which of course precipitated The bother\u2019s hollering Freedom!.\u00a0 Lesson learned methinks.<\/p>\n
Just as I was pulling into The bother\u2019s driveway my phone rang and it was The fadder.\u00a0 The whole thing had become just enough stress and noise for him so he went home to bed!…so I visited with everyone till about 12:30 (at one point The bother\u2019s lady love and The bother\u2019s best friend couldn\u2019t find The bother\u2019s best friend\u2019s wife and the stress of the whole thing had made her go upstairs for a quick nap! :o)\u2026and then I headed out to the farm at 80kms all the way. It really is kind of nice when you have to slow down and look at your surroundings eh?<\/p>\n
The bother had a blast\u2026made out like a rich man\u2026hung with friends for 2 days, ate himself into a stupor and turned 50\u2026not such a bad thing eh?\u00a0 Now if we could just convince him to get his eyes tested cos his arms ain\u2019t long enough we\u2019d be good as gold.<\/p>\n
Truly\u2026The bother\u2019s lady love, The bother\u2019s best friend, The bother\u2019s best friend\u2019s wife and The fadder did a really good job.\u00a0 It was a very nice thing to do for him\u2026and we all appreciate it\u2026even with it\u2019s cracks and chips eh?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Alrighty\u2026I promised I\u2019d write this\u2026.and I\u2019ve been remiss\u2026.so grab a cup o something\u2026this is going to take a while. In April the Bother\u2019s lady love contacted the Fadder and I about the bothers \u2019s 50th birthday \u2013 she\u2019d decided on … Continue reading