{"id":1802,"date":"2009-04-21T18:01:00","date_gmt":"2009-04-22T01:01:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/beltdrivebetty.com\/wyzwmnsworld\/?p=1802"},"modified":"2010-09-29T18:25:28","modified_gmt":"2010-09-30T01:25:28","slug":"crisis-of-confidence-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wyzwmn9444.live-website.com\/?p=1802","title":{"rendered":"Crisis of Confidence"},"content":{"rendered":"

there on Sat<\/span>
when my “used to be” gang<\/span>
was out playing without me<\/span>
(i got uninvited…<\/span>
er rather….<\/span>
told I wasn’t welcome<\/span>
via an email)<\/span><\/p>\n

I had a time there<\/span>
where I was experiencing<\/span>
a crisis of confidence…<\/span><\/p>\n

because my feelings were hurt<\/p>\n

<\/span>I truly gave some thought to the idea<\/span>
of just not holding on to my integrity<\/span><\/p>\n

I mean really?<\/span>
if all it takes to be “a friend” is to be without<\/span>
why do I need it?<\/span>
right?<\/span><\/p>\n

yah<\/span>
uhmmmm<\/span>
NO<\/span><\/p>\n

so I started thinking<\/span>
about the changes I’ve been through<\/span>
and the “friendships” I’ve gained and lost<\/span>
over my life….<\/span><\/p>\n

all in all<\/span>
those that are true friends<\/span>
have not spent their time<\/span>
running around behind my back<\/span>
talking about me<\/span>
(what’s that old Mae West line?<\/span>
“if they’re talkin about me they’re<\/span>
leavin the rest of you alone”)<\/span>
they address issues with me<\/span>
and don’t play games…<\/span><\/p>\n

I have friends<\/span>
that I’ve know for 30 years<\/span>
and I still hold dear to my heart<\/span><\/p>\n

in the life I live now….<\/span>
my true friends have emailed me<\/span>
or called me<\/span>
and asked what is going on<\/span>
and those are the one’s<\/span>
that know the truth<\/span>
about what has happened<\/span>
they are the one’s<\/span>
that bothered to find out<\/span>
that heard both sides<\/span>
and then made a decision<\/span><\/p>\n

my real friends know<\/span>
that while the actions of some<\/span>
may hurt my feelings<\/span>
in the end<\/span>
I’ll stand by my beliefs<\/span>
and that’s the best I can do<\/span><\/p>\n

cos in the end<\/span>
while it’s much easier<\/span>
to go with the flow<\/span>
it don’t make it right now<\/span>
do it?<\/span><\/p>\n

this little crisis of confidence<\/span>
also got me to wondering<\/span>
when is it ok to bend your<\/span>
basic morals or ethics?<\/span><\/p>\n

when would it be a good time<\/span>
to throw honour to the wind?<\/span><\/p>\n

everyone else seems to be able to do it<\/span>
so why can’t I?<\/span><\/p>\n

I mean….when is it ok to spend time with a person<\/span>
who deliberately sets out to ruin<\/span>
someone else’s relationships<\/span>
for their own personal gain?<\/span><\/p>\n

when is it ok to spend time with someone<\/span>
who sleeps around while their partner<\/span>
holds down the fort at home?<\/span><\/p>\n

when is it ok to have “fuck buddies?”<\/span><\/p>\n

how about people who steal?<\/span>
or<\/span>
kill someone?<\/span><\/p>\n

in this day and age…<\/span>
when a CDN woman can literally<\/span>
be sent to her room for 10 yrs<\/span>
after she killing someone<\/span>
and 3…count em 3 convictions….<\/span><\/p>\n

is it foolish for me to expect anyone to act<\/span>
within social mores?<\/span><\/p>\n

what the hell happened to respect?<\/span><\/p>\n

I read a great deal of science fiction<\/span>
over the years….<\/span>
and as a result I’ve been thinking<\/span>
in my own perverse little way<\/span>
of some consequences or punishments<\/span>
for people who show a decided lack of honour<\/span><\/p>\n

how about a lip lock for liars?<\/span>
something automatically grows over one’s lips<\/span>
when they lie<\/span>
like happened to Neo in “The Matrix”<\/span>
and then the only way to get it off is to<\/span>
resign yourself to committing to tell the truth<\/span>
and apologizing to the offended party<\/span>
so that once you’ve made recompense<\/span>
the lip lock falls off!<\/span><\/p>\n

or how about a dick\/va jay jay lock<\/span>
for someone who breaks marriage vows?<\/span>
even for the one’s that participate in an emotional adultery<\/span>
so that you can’t use the tool for anything but body elimination<\/span>
until you fess up and make restitution<\/span>
with your partner or their partner<\/span><\/p>\n

I think we’ve pretty much proven<\/span>
that going to jail ain’t’ gonna stop killers<\/span>
nor is it going to stop thieves<\/span>
how about death then?<\/span>
hang the fuckers?<\/span>
eye for an eye?<\/span>
tooth for a tooth?<\/span><\/p>\n

even into the twentieth century,<\/span>
the <\/span><\/span>punishment<\/span> <\/span><\/span>for<\/span> <\/span><\/span>stealing<\/span> from a mine<\/span>
was to have one’s hand nailed to the stowce<\/span><\/p>\n

what about the punishment aboriginals use to hand out<\/span>
for them that spoke with forked tongues?<\/span>
would a manipulator be the kind of person who’d<\/span>
end up with a forked tongue?<\/span><\/p>\n

how many people do you know that would have<\/span>
shredded tongues as opposed to just one fork?<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

the VOD tells this story
about how when we were kids
she told us all to be fair,
not to hit people when they made us mad
or hurt our feelings
and to share<\/p>\n

one day I came home from school
with a black eye…
she asked what happened
I said – “apparently we’re the only ones playin by these <\/span>rules<\/span> Ma!”<\/p>\n

<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
that was the beginning of some hard years for me
cos I spent a long time fighting back
not only with violence
but with the meanest mouth possible
I thought I was adept at leveling the playing field that way
turns out people feared me instead.
(and violence begets violence….we all know where that goes)<\/p>\n

<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
I made a conscious decision to do better
when I came to the island
and so far
while I’ve been sorely tested
I’ve not slipped<\/p>\n

one of my friends told me
that this current “bump in the road”
was cos all these people were afraid of me
only now it’s not my physical violence or mean mouth…
it’s my ethics and morals. <\/span><\/div>\n


so while I’m stewing over
the how’s and the why’s
of what is currently going on in my life
I know without reservation
that I’m still able to look at myself in the mirror<\/p>\n

<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
in the end – that’s what counts most<\/span><\/div>\n
that and the love and support<\/span>
of the people that honestly “get” me<\/span>
and that’s all I need.<\/span><\/span><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

there on Satwhen my “used to be” gangwas out playing without me(i got uninvited…er rather….told I wasn’t welcomevia an email) I had a time therewhere I was experiencinga crisis of confidence… because my feelings were hurt I truly gave some … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1802","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wyzwmn9444.live-website.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1802","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wyzwmn9444.live-website.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wyzwmn9444.live-website.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wyzwmn9444.live-website.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wyzwmn9444.live-website.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1802"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/wyzwmn9444.live-website.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1802\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4275,"href":"https:\/\/wyzwmn9444.live-website.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1802\/revisions\/4275"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wyzwmn9444.live-website.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1802"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wyzwmn9444.live-website.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1802"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wyzwmn9444.live-website.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1802"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}