{"id":1730,"date":"2008-11-15T13:23:00","date_gmt":"2008-11-15T21:23:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/beltdrivebetty.com\/wyzwmnsworld\/?p=1730"},"modified":"2010-09-29T18:26:47","modified_gmt":"2010-09-30T01:26:47","slug":"i-just-dont-know-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wyzwmn9444.live-website.com\/?p=1730","title":{"rendered":"I just don’t know….."},"content":{"rendered":"

ok<\/span><\/span>
<\/span>first off<\/span>
<\/span>Bear n Kimmie…<\/span>
<\/span>I seem to be getting my “writing on”<\/span>
<\/span>this week<\/span>
<\/span>so who knows if there’s a chapter coming soon?<\/span>
<\/span>LoL<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>some of you may remember the story of my “missing” friend<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>the “Cole’s Notes” version <\/span>
<\/span>(cos there may be a story in that whole thing too)<\/span>
<\/span>is that she was from here…and moved to ON in her teens<\/span>
<\/span>became friends with myself and my family<\/span>
<\/span>became like a member of the family for 20 odd years<\/span>
<\/span>married poorly<\/span>
<\/span>had a couple of kids<\/span>
<\/span>moved back here to get away<\/span>
<\/span>from said “axe murderer” ex<\/span>
<\/span>lived in a virtual fantasy world here<\/span>
<\/span>spent most of her time on the Internet<\/span>
<\/span>communicating with and fashioning relationships<\/span>
<\/span>with US military men<\/span>
<\/span>with something that always struck me<\/span>
<\/span>as an air of desperation about it…<\/span>
<\/span>she wanted so desperately to have the <\/span>
<\/span>white picket fence she’d heard about<\/span>
<\/span>she went to obsessive lengths<\/span>
<\/span>to find it…<\/span>
<\/span>she wanted to be famous<\/span>
<\/span>so she made herself so<\/span>
<\/span>in her own mind anyway….<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>then….<\/span>
<\/span>she disappeared off the face of the earth<\/span>
<\/span>about 6 years ago<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>no one<\/span>
<\/span>not one person<\/span>
<\/span>knew where she’d gone<\/span>
<\/span>her RL<\/span> family contacted me trying to find out<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>I searched frantically high and low<\/span>
<\/span>contacted people I knew that she knew<\/span>
<\/span>all over the country<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>eventually she started corresponding with me<\/span>
<\/span>via email….<\/span>
<\/span>but I never did really fully believe all the<\/span>
<\/span>hearts and romance and “fantastical” stories <\/span>
<\/span>that she told me<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>I was worried for her<\/span>
<\/span>and desperately concerned for her kids<\/span>
<\/span>but I felt like I was enabling her again<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>however before I could confront that<\/span>
<\/span>she gave up and stopped corresponding<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>fast forward a couple of years<\/span>
<\/span>and my blister is in Dartmouth for work<\/span>
<\/span>and stumbles into a pub<\/span>
<\/span>in the middle of the night<\/span>
<\/span>looking for chowder and beer<\/span>
<\/span>she’s sitting by herself<\/span>
<\/span>and looks up<\/span>
<\/span>that there’s said friend!<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>Left Coast to Right Coast<\/span>
<\/span>wtf<\/span> was she running from<\/span>
<\/span>besides herself?<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>since then there is virtually no communication<\/span>
<\/span>betwixt my family and her<\/span>
<\/span>until the last week of October this year<\/span>
<\/span>(her birthday is Halloween)<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>that Sunday morning<\/span>
<\/span>someone phoned my house at 6:14 in the AM<\/span>
<\/span>by the time I’d got to the phone<\/span>
<\/span>it had gone to voicemail<\/span>
<\/span>so I stumbled around looking for my glasses<\/span>
<\/span>and took a few minutes for ablutions<\/span>
<\/span>then decided to go back to bed<\/span>
<\/span>so when I finally get up morning to go for brunch<\/span>
<\/span>and there’s a voicemail from her<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>terse and poignant<\/span>
<\/span>“I woke up with a face fulla<\/span> courage this morning<\/span>
<\/span>call me….” and the number<\/span>
<\/span>I immediately dialed<\/span>
<\/span>and got no answer<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>I’ve tried a couple of times <\/span>
<\/span>since then…randomly<\/span>
<\/span>but honestly feel kinda reticent<\/span>
<\/span>to rekindle <\/span>
<\/span>what was a less than healthy<\/span>
<\/span>“co-dependency” IMHO<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>today she posted on my Face book<\/span>
<\/span>over some old pix I’d posted<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>I find myself amazed <\/span>
<\/span>at how “suspect” I immediately found that<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>I have mixed emotions<\/span>
<\/span>part of me misses her<\/span>
<\/span>with a vengeance…<\/span>
<\/span>we have history<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>part of me<\/span>
<\/span>is not interested<\/span>
<\/span>in opening that <\/span>
<\/span>can o worms again<\/span>
<\/span>we have history<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>does that make sense?<\/p>\n

<\/span>do I want to take a chance<\/span>
<\/span>that it was all fantasy?<\/p>\n

<\/span>do I want to take the chance <\/span>
<\/span>that it was all lies?<\/p>\n

<\/span>do I want to get tangled<\/span>
<\/span>in that web again?<\/p>\n

or was it all in my imagination
and in reality all truths?<\/p>\n

<\/span>do I want to go back?<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>I just don’t know
I honestly
just
don’t
know<\/p>\n

here’s today’s<\/span> horoscope<\/span>…<\/p>\n

<\/span><\/span>You could have a chance to put the past behind you today. So if there are any unresolved family issues that have been lingering for a while, don’t be afraid to try to deal with them before the day is through. There could be a few surprises popping up around the house, and it could be a good time to put the past aside and try to bring a fresh approach to mending some fences on the home front right now. <\/p>\n

If you find that anyone\u2019s a little hard to handle today, just realize that you\u2019ll probably need to be extremely diplomatic right now. So be sure that you give plenty of thought to how you handle any difficult people at this time.<\/p>\n

Now WTF<\/span> do I do with that?<\/span><\/span><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

okfirst offBear n Kimmie…I seem to be getting my “writing on”this weekso who knows if there’s a chapter coming soon?LoL some of you may remember the story of my “missing” friend the “Cole’s Notes” version (cos there may be a … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1730","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wyzwmn9444.live-website.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1730","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wyzwmn9444.live-website.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wyzwmn9444.live-website.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wyzwmn9444.live-website.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wyzwmn9444.live-website.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1730"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/wyzwmn9444.live-website.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1730\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4420,"href":"https:\/\/wyzwmn9444.live-website.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1730\/revisions\/4420"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wyzwmn9444.live-website.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1730"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wyzwmn9444.live-website.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1730"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wyzwmn9444.live-website.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1730"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}