{"id":1674,"date":"2008-07-31T22:01:00","date_gmt":"2008-08-01T05:01:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/beltdrivebetty.com\/wyzwmnsworld\/?p=1674"},"modified":"2010-09-29T18:27:00","modified_gmt":"2010-09-30T01:27:00","slug":"once-again-puzzle-me-this-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wyzwmn9444.live-website.com\/?p=1674","title":{"rendered":"Once again…puzzle me this…"},"content":{"rendered":"

the VOD got out of the hospital last night<\/strong><\/span>
the bother had to go to Orlando on business<\/strong><\/span>
but he booked his ticket on points<\/strong><\/span>
<\/strong><\/span>
because he was a points traveller…<\/strong><\/span>
he got bumped offa his flight <\/strong><\/span>
and ended up spending the night in the<\/strong><\/span>
Vancouver airport<\/strong><\/span>
so he got no sleep<\/strong><\/span>
<\/strong><\/span>
today the fadder picks up the VOD<\/strong><\/span>
and drives her to the bother’s house<\/strong><\/span>
they arrive at 7PM<\/strong><\/span>
the bother’s new partner<\/strong><\/span>
panics at 10PM <\/strong><\/span>
about how nobody’s told her<\/strong><\/span>
what kind of meds the VOD is on<\/strong><\/span>
<\/strong><\/span>
so she phones the bother in Orlando<\/strong><\/span>
and wakes him up <\/strong><\/span>
(he usually goes to bed<\/strong><\/span>
around 8PM here anyhoo)<\/strong><\/span>
<\/strong><\/span>
the bother in turn<\/strong><\/span>
phones me<\/strong><\/span>
and wakes me up…<\/strong><\/span>
to ask me what kind of meds<\/strong><\/span>
the VOD is on<\/strong><\/span>
<\/strong><\/span>
wouldn’t it have just been easier<\/strong><\/span>
to knock on the VOD’s <\/strong><\/span>
bedroom door <\/strong><\/span>
and ask if she had all her meds<\/strong><\/span>
or if there is anything <\/strong><\/span>
she can do for her?<\/strong><\/span>
<\/strong><\/span>
so I tell him<\/strong><\/span>
then I hang up and call her<\/strong><\/span>
and I tell her<\/strong><\/span>
and then I end up sitting at this <\/strong><\/span>
frickin computer<\/strong><\/span>
instead of sleeping<\/strong><\/span>
<\/strong><\/span>
and…<\/strong><\/span>
the VOD sleeps through <\/strong><\/span>
the whole fucking episode!<\/strong><\/span>
<\/strong><\/span>
yup…puzzle me this<\/strong><\/span>
(a couple of years ago<\/span><\/strong>
there was a joke going around<\/span><\/strong>
entitled “Obituary for the late C. (Common) Sense”<\/span><\/strong>
<\/span><\/strong>
that shit describes my family to a T!<\/span><\/strong>
<\/span><\/strong>
Obituary for the late Mr. Common Sense <\/span><\/strong>
_______________________________<\/span><\/strong>
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn’t always fair; and maybe it was my fault.<\/span>
<\/span>
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).<\/span>
<\/span>
His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition…<\/span>
<\/span>
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.<\/span>
<\/span>
It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an Elastoplast to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.<\/span>
<\/span>
Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn’t defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.<\/span>
<\/span>
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.<\/span>
<\/span>
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, I Want It Now, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I’m A Victim.<\/span>
<\/span>
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

the VOD got out of the hospital last nightthe bother had to go to Orlando on businessbut he booked his ticket on pointsbecause he was a points traveller…he got bumped offa his flight and ended up spending the night in … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1674","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wyzwmn9444.live-website.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1674","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wyzwmn9444.live-website.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wyzwmn9444.live-website.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wyzwmn9444.live-website.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wyzwmn9444.live-website.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1674"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/wyzwmn9444.live-website.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1674\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4531,"href":"https:\/\/wyzwmn9444.live-website.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1674\/revisions\/4531"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wyzwmn9444.live-website.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1674"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wyzwmn9444.live-website.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1674"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wyzwmn9444.live-website.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1674"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}