{"id":1569,"date":"2008-02-02T00:47:00","date_gmt":"2008-02-02T08:47:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/beltdrivebetty.com\/wyzwmnsworld\/?p=1569"},"modified":"2010-09-29T18:27:27","modified_gmt":"2010-09-30T01:27:27","slug":"failure-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wyzwmn9444.live-website.com\/?p=1569","title":{"rendered":"Failure…"},"content":{"rendered":"

I’ve spent years <\/span><\/strong>
angling my life
towards the job <\/span><\/strong>
I now have<\/p>\n

I cleaned up my act <\/span><\/strong>
I got clean<\/span><\/strong>
and
I got to be \u201can adult\u201d
I got healthier…<\/span><\/strong>
I learned to compensate
<\/span><\/strong>for my lack of education
and I strove to get a job
<\/span><\/strong>worthy of myself<\/p>\n

I worked hard
to get to a point
where I could do something
that could be construed as a career
not just a job
something that I could be proud of<\/p>\n

so I got a job
<\/span><\/strong>at an \u201cinstitution of higher learning\u201d<\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t go to work there
<\/span><\/strong>because I thought I was smart
I know I am
I didn\u2019t go there
<\/span><\/strong>because I had something to prove
I\u2019ve proved all I need to in my life
and
I didn\u2019t go there
<\/span><\/strong>because I think I\u2019m better
I have no sense of entitlement
<\/span><\/strong>I felt that I earned it….<\/p>\n

I went there because
<\/span><\/strong>I thought it was the payoff
I thought the big game plan
<\/span><\/strong>was gonna pay off in the end
that I could work
over the few years
I<\/span><\/strong> have to retirement
in a beautiful place,
surrounded by fair
<\/span><\/strong>and intelligent humans
and that for these years
<\/span><\/strong>I would be able to
work to live not live to work<\/p>\n

So you will understand my disappointment
at finding out
that it was all a dream
and that fa\u00e7ade is crumbling<\/p>\n

Two days ago, Hysteria finally slipped a cog
and \u201caccused\u201d me of breathing too loud
yesterday, she full on snapped
and came flying out of her office,
slammed the door to the hall
and leaned over me at my desk
<\/span><\/strong>bearing down on me and
shrieking like the fishwife she\u2019s turned out to be
all because I put my hand over my ear
while on the phone with a customer
to hear the person I talking
<\/span><\/strong>while she was barking orders
from the other room<\/p>\n

There\u2019s no question in my mind
that if I took all of the info
<\/span><\/strong>about what truly happened yesterday
and went to the \u201cauthorities\u201d
I could take her to court and win<\/p>\n

but for me that\u2019s not the point
the point for me is the complete
and total
utter
disappointment
at having found myself in the position
to have to defend myself yet again<\/p>\n

she’s manic, menopausal,
and as a Gemini
it’s like she’s two people and one of them is full on nuts
so ya never know which person you are dealing with
<\/strong>
<\/span>she’s a micro-manager of the minutiae
but can’t organize her own damn calendar
and she’s bitchy cos she went to Herbal Magic
and laid down 2500.00 to have them help her lose 25 lbs
and so far she’s just hungry all the time<\/p>\n

she’s patronizing, condescending and a whiner
she’s a gossip and a bully
she\u2019s an I\/me person
she talks over and through everyone
which just shows me how insecure she is<\/p>\n

she’s unethical and unintegral
I’ve got stories that would make you weep<\/p>\n

she’s an adrenaline junky and a hypocrite
and she’s all about herself
there’s nothing that one could consider
being related to “team work” about her
in spite of her constant touting
that she’s a team player
and a good listener
(sometimes I think
she says all this stuff out loud
in feeble attempts
to convince herself that she’s better than)<\/p>\n

she’s already caused one person to leave our office in early Nov
and the young woman she hired in her place
while a nice person
doesn’t have the tools and\/or the life skills
to deal with her particular brand of bullying
and since she hired her at 10,000.00 more a year than I make
I’m the person that’s had to train her
cos the loon hired her and 4 days later took off on 6 weeks holidays<\/p>\n

so she stood at my desk yesterday leaning across it screaming in my face
telling me “I am the director I will not allow you to ignore me, I will not allow you to be rude.”
and I was trying to do is do my job<\/p>\n

I’ve tried every “conflict resolution” skill I own
and I’ve done CR work my whole damn life
but she’s got me stymied.
I think she’s ill
I don\u2019t think this is an instance where mediation will work
as she doesn\u2019t recognize that there is a problem
the problem is not her
it is the rest of the world
and nothing is good enough for her
not either of the people working for her
nor her collegues and friends
(if they only knew the kind of things
she says about them
behind their backs)<\/p>\n

20 minutes after this screaming episode yesterday
she wants to “hug” to show me she bears no grudges???<\/p>\n

ya<\/p>\n

no<\/p>\n

the venom that came outta<\/span><\/strong>
that woman<\/span><\/strong>
I’ll be a long time<\/span><\/strong>
dealing with….<\/span><\/strong>
<\/span><\/strong>
she called me a victim
but I know
I am not <\/span><\/strong>

she took the few things
that she knows
about my personal life
and threw them at me like knives
and did not allow me rebuttal<\/p>\n

all I could do was simply sit
and take all the abuse
she had to throw<\/p>\n

because I know me
and had I even looked up at her
I\u2019d have gone to jail<\/p>\n

and then she would have won<\/p>\n

so why do I feel like such a failure?
why do I feel like I’ve somehow failed?<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I’ve spent years angling my lifetowards the job I now have I cleaned up my act I got cleanandI got to be \u201can adult\u201dI got healthier…I learned to compensatefor my lack of educationand I strove to get a jobworthy of … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1569","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wyzwmn9444.live-website.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1569","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wyzwmn9444.live-website.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wyzwmn9444.live-website.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wyzwmn9444.live-website.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wyzwmn9444.live-website.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1569"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/wyzwmn9444.live-website.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1569\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4741,"href":"https:\/\/wyzwmn9444.live-website.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1569\/revisions\/4741"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wyzwmn9444.live-website.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1569"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wyzwmn9444.live-website.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1569"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wyzwmn9444.live-website.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1569"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}