there is a sadness
in me
that I find
impossible to define
it’s as if
everything I have done
all my life
all my experiences
good
and
bad
have led me
to this point
I find myself
gravitating
to fluff
in an effort
to not think
I’m reading garbage
I’m watching garbage
I am afraid.
it’s building
it’s getting bigger
larger each day
it make me feel
as if
it’s leading
to the end
to breaking
to snapping
I know that won’t happen
I won’t let it
but sometimes
one does wonder…
what is beyond?
the hurt
the anger
the bitterness
the sadness
in a perfect world
there’d be a quick fix
in my world
there is a fix
but it won’t be quick
hours
and
weeks
and
days
and
months
of
therapy
but I’ll get through this too
because I will survive
failure is not an option
failure is a bruise
not a tattoo
so I will work
towards the fix
and to do so
I must go to the root
the root of the matter
but….I am afraid.