WyzWmn's World©

The sound: SuperTramp – Dreamer, The Sweet – Ballroom Blitz, Karl Douglas – Kung Fu Fighting, Seals and Crofts – Summer Breeze, Lou Reed – Sweet Jane, Marvin Gaye – What’s Going On, Bad Company – Can’t Get Enough of Your Love, Chaka Khan and Rufus – Something Good, Chicago – 25 or 6 to 4, Rare Earth – I Just Want To Celebrate, Tom Jones – I Who Have Nothing, Cliff Richard – Girl You’ll Be A Woman Soon

As we are de-boarding the plane and I am listening to the announcements for those of us that need to go through US Customs, I reach in my purse to snag my ID.

It is then that I realize that although I have my bucket and my toothbrush and even my freakin ID, I have no money. Nor is the little plastic case that holds all my credit cards there.

“Fuck me” I think, “let me rephrase that…if this ain’t the stupidest thing you’ve ever done Baby girl it is damn close to it.”

So I bullshit my way through Customs and once out in the baggage claim area I sit down on the floor and dump my purse into my helmet to see what I actually have.

Besides a headache, I mean.

ID – check

Toothbrush – check

Eyeshadow – check

Mascara – check

Cigarettes – check

Mike’s Zippo – check

Lipstick – check

Nail clippers – check

Hair Brush – check

Hair Ties – check

Rolaids – check

Socks – check

Cheque book – nope

Change purse – nope

Credit cards – nope

“Aaaaaarrrrrrghhhhhh! Now what the hell???” I snivel to myself.

Then I discover, folded in the lining of my purse, one slim Canadian dime and 3 shiny new Canadian pennies. Pay dirt!

So I load everything back into the purse and head for a payphone to call Boomer. I put my dime in and the US payphone spits it back out. And thinking that there is something the matter with the phone I drop the dime in again only to have it spit back out by the phone.

Then it occurs to me…”Canadian dime, American phone…sheeeeeeeit! Now what the hell?”

A lady walks by and I ask her if she will exchange a Canadian dime for an American one and she says, “how much you got?” When I show her my thirteen cents she snakes it all and drops a US dime in my palm. Cheap bitch!

I call the number that Allan gave me and a big deep accented voice answers, “House o Whore’s Bal’James at your service” he says with a drawl that’d cut butter.

I take a deep breath”, “H-hello” I squeak, “I’m looking for Boomer”

“Heyull is ya’ll da Canadjian gurrul Boomer’s bin a’waitin fowr?” “Hey Boomer! deys a gurrrul on da phone fer ya!”

By the time Boomer gets to the phone Bald James has asked me a multitude of questions I don’t want to answer and lots I can’t even understand cos of that deep south accent. And once again I am thinking maybe I’ll be ok cos I’ll just get Boomer to buy me a ticket home and I’ll wire him the money when I get there.

the sound: David Bowie – Ziggy Stardust, Ram Jam – Black Betty, Shirley Bassey – Diamonds are Forever, Jesus Christ Superstar – What’s the Buzz, Thelonious Monk – Round Midnight, Bee Gees – Message to You, Golden Earing – Radar Love, Marshall Tucker Band – Can’t You See, Jim Croce – Bad Bad Leroy Brown

By the time we get to my house it’s 8:30AM and we still have a twenty-minute drive to get to the airport. All of a sudden I am consumed by this need to get to there and get on this plane. I race into my house and stuff my toothbrush into my purse, grab my jacket and head bucket and out the door I go…back to the truck.

We arrive at the airport with about 3 minutes to spare. Suzie even deigns to give me a hug and a wish for luck as Al hands me a slip of paper with the number I should reach Boomer at.

And before I have time to take a deep breath the plane is taking off. We get up to altitude and there’s the sun….my head hurts too much to think so I’ll just sit here and rest my eyes, and the sound of the motor almost immediately puts me to sleep.

I wake up sober….somewhere over Duluth. I’m panicked for a minute while I try to figure out just where the hell and am. And by the time we land in Minneapolis I understand that this is likely not the wisest decision I have ever made.

Not one of the worst but sure as hell not one of the smartest either.

But it’s gonna be ok because at least Boomer will be there and I kinda sorta know him as a friend of a friend and besides “Just how large can Robert be?” I joke to myself.