WyzWmn's World©

when ya don’t learn something”

remember that old adage?

so here’s what I’ve learned recently….

ya get what you pay for…

seems like a pretty simple lesson
but sometimes
I’m a little on the thick side
and have to be force fed
a lesson….

so
if ya go cheap and buy a blender
that has a plastic bottle
and ya live next door
to the VOD
who is completely enamored
with the dry cycle on the dishwasher
the bottle can melt
and change shape

and say ya take that plastic bottle
outta the dishwasher
and put a cup of juice
a banana
a cup of frozen berries
a cup of yogurt
into the plastic bottle
slap on the lid
hit the high button
and walk away

you get fruit smoothie
all over the fucking kitchen!

I’m talkin…alllllllllllllllll over
under the cupboards
on the cupboard doors
on the stove
on the fridge
even on the damn ceiling!

and
if you know that you’ll be
late for work if you stay home
to clean up the mess
you leave it and hope for the best

so when you’re talkin to the VOD
that morning
and she suggests
that she’ll go over
and clean it up for you
but she forgets

you get home
to fruit smoothie
cement
everywhere….

it took a knife
a spatula
and a gallon er 9
of hot water
to clean that mess up
and I found the lid
to said cheap blender
on top of one of the upper cupboards
next to the teapot collection
(that, I might add…needed
to be cleaned anyway!)

yup
ya get what ya pay for!

the sound: Marc Broussard – Everybody Dies, Marc Broussard – Come in from the Cold, Marc Broussard – Home

Things went well for a couple of hours until we heard from the far side of the field near the unmistakable sound of BarnYard’s voice howling at the moon a la Zappa “Yippee ti o Ti Ay!”

Over the course of the next hour or two BarnYard would skulk around in the bushes along the outskirts of the property and every few minutes would howl at the top of his lungs: “Yippee ti o Ti Ay!” Each time from a completely different area of the farm.

The first couple of times it was funny. After a while it just became tedious.

I watched as Robert and Grey began to argue about BarnYard’s mental capacities and was able to eavesdrop long enough to realize that Grey blamed Robert’s drug operation for Grey being “not quite right in the head”. Robert’s response was that Barnyard (Barry) had never been right in the head so it really didn’t matter what he let BarnYard do.

Over the course of time the argument became more ridiculous and more and more heated. The eternal spat between siblings and it would not have surprised me at all for one of them to utter the words “ya well mom loved you more than she loved me” or “you were always the golden child” like a 9 year old.

Ever the astute observer I glanced up from a reprieve in the arguing to see that most everyone had left the fire but for myself, Rosie and her brothers.

The silence was punctuated with the sound of a gun being drawn.

“Crap! Here we go again” I thought…closely followed by “do you think they’ll notice if I just get up and meander over behind that big tree?”

Robert sat with the drawn pistol in one hand and the ever present bottle of Jack in the other. Grey was sipping a coke. Grey looked grim and leaned over and called Robert a “mama’s boy” just as BarnYard howled “Yippee ti o Ti Ay!” from the bushes to our left.

Robert snapped around and fired a round at the bushes.

I held my breath.

Grey jumped up and slapped Robert’s hand that held the gun with such vehemence it rocked the big man in his chair.

Robert dropped the bottle of Jack smashing it on the ground.

Rosie stood as if undecided what to do.

Robert rose and stood facing Grey slowly bringing the firearm up between him and his brother.

“that’s the last time” he said.

“not likely” was Grey’s reply.

I caught a streak of movement out of the corner of my eye and realized that it was BarnYard streaking across the field. He was buck nekid, high stepping and screaming at the top of his lungs.

Everyone around the field turned to look at him and he reached Robert shrieking….. “Bobby, Bobby, ya fucker…YA SHOT ME IN THE ASS!” before he collapsed on the ground between Robert and Grey.