WyzWmn's World©

One of the ailments
I suffer from
is PTSD

as a result
I don’t sleep
unless medicated
and sometimes
with the onset of stress
even meds don’t help

last night was one of those nights…

if you don’t sleep
you don’t heal
and then all your other
ailments
take control of your life

in the end
the lack of sleep
is always what triggers
the greater darkness
in my life.

I make decisions
when I have been sleepless
that I suffer for
in the long run

I’m not about to go there this time

more and more
every day
I come to understand
that my perceptions
of the failings of the people
around me
are not just simply my perceptions of
the failings of the people around me
but part of a bigger picture
one of manipulation

there are people who strive to manipulate
and force others into
following a specific pattern of beliefs
they operate from a position of selfishness
and are desperate to control

they do not operate
from a position of
love
consideration
integrity
morals
or
friendship
this lesson I have learned
time and again
in my life

this time…
I’ll heed the heart voice
that says…I will no longer allow
master manipulators
access to my life

and just so we are clear
I have no intention of
askin others to follow
me
I never have

so if that means
leaving you all
then I will

I will not go back
to what once was
I am not afraid to be alone
nor am I afraid to start over

but I am afraid
of going back
to that
malice and evil
that once controlled my life.

it’s safe to come out an play again

I will not accept an apology
from people
who lied repeatedly
to me
and about me

I will not accept an apology
from people
who used my deepest secrets
to publicly humiliate me

I will not accept an apology from people
who tried to cover up their transgressions
by having someone else clean up
their public mess

I will not accept an apology
from people who continue
to tell lies about me

I will not accept an apology from people
who still blame me
for all of this

I did nothing wrong
and in spite of what they say
I will not accept an apology…

I will not accept an apology
from people
who seem to be the only one’s
who could have possibly sent that
unconscionable letter
to my fadder
about me

I will move on
and have a new life

but I will not forgive
and I will not forget

they are dead to me.

so mote it be.